It's both. And, as I found out today, it can also be beautiful. So beautiful that it takes your breath away.
I was the first of the family to arrive at the Provo City Cemetery today. Usually everyone beats me there because I secretly put it off until the last minute. Parking was horrendous. People were everywhere. Flowers were everywhere. So were pinwheels, Hot Wheels, teddy bears, leis, flags (oh, the flags), notes, etc. The feeling of love hit me like a brick the minute I entered the gate.
What a gorgeous day, eh? I found our newly placed monument for my boyfriend. His spot is in the adult area between the two babylands. So sweet. I put my blanket down and sat beside my Terry's final resting place. I put the gerber daisy plant I had brought in the vase and then turned my ipod on to some Mandy Patinkin music (Terry's favorite) and started the good cry I knew would come. It only lasted a minute or two. It felt, oddly, good. My love for Terry is beyond measure and it was nice to tell him aloud before the girls got there. I miss him so much. Life is not the same. It never will be.
I love when my girls and their husbands meet me. And of course, Eloise. I love that little girl. She is the sunshine that lights up our little lost family. She always brings happiness...even when she's cranky! Which isn't very often. I noticed that all of my photos of Ellee with me at the cemetery look exactly the same. I don't care. I love her. She loves her Bop Bop and is always a good girl at his grave. Such a happy little girl...in spite of these pictures! :)
So, our first Memorial Day was successful. It was lovely even. The weather was perfect. The company was perfect. Having Terry absent wasn't so perfect. We love him still.
(I may or may not have hid a pocket knife inside the cup at the top of the monument! None of you better go take it either!)
